Thriving Through the Holidays: Maintaining Mental Health and Career Focus

Can you say 'No' without feeling guilty? Do you ever wonder how to integrate gratitude and mindfulness into your children's routine, or perhaps wonder when it's time to seek professional help for mental health struggles? We, Laura Bashore and Mary Fain Brandt, are here to guide you through these questions and more while sharing our personal experiences of maintaining mental health during the festive season. From the art of creating helpful sayings to effectively handle our staggering amount of daily negative thoughts to exploring individualized self-care practices, we provide an arsenal of resources and recommendations to help you navigate this merry, yet potentially overwhelming, period.

It's okay to have a bad day, but it doesn't have to ruin your whole day. We also highlight the power of gratitude, setting boundaries, and the importance of a support network. Recognizing that not everything works for everyone, we encourage you to find what suits you best and don't hesitate to seek professional help when necessary. 

We emphasize the significance of maintaining a daily routine structure and offer resources recommended by Oprah for specific mental health struggles. This festive season, let's ensure we keep our mental health intact and career goals in focus.

Oprah's 13 Free Resources for Mental Health
https://www.oprah.com/omagazine/free-online-resources-for-mental-illness

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Transcript

Mary Fain Brandt: 0:02

Welcome to the Redefine Your Career Journey Podcast, where we help career minded professionals like you become the CEO of your career.

Laura Bashore: 0:11

I'm Laura Bashore and I'm here with my co-host, Mary Fain Brandt. Together, we have over 25 years of experience in career development and coaching.

Mary Fain Brandt: 0:19

We're thrilled to share our insights and expertise with you on this podcast, please grab your favorite cup of coffee, tune in and let's start the show.

Laura Bashore: 0:30

Hey there, it's Laura Bashore, and today's episode is all about tackling real issues that many of us face maintaining our mental health during the holidays, especially if you're on the job hunt?

Mary Fain Brandt: 0:44

Absolutely. You know, the holidays can be such a joyful time right In town, buying gifts, cooking, but that can also lead to a fair share of stress and challenges. Again, the cooking, the family, the presence, working and if you have kids, shuffling them off to, I don't know, christmas parties, christmas dances and Christmas performances. So if you're in the middle of doing all that and you're dealing with the job search blues, fear not, because we've got some strategies and insights to help you navigate this season with your sanity intact sanity. I'm talking about Santa already. Woo, it's coming, it's coming.

Mary Fain Brandt: 1:25

So, you guys, today we're really talking about a serious topic mental health during the holidays, when you're out of a job because, let's face it, being out of a job is stressful enough, and then you add the holidays and it just increases that stress level, can add to anxiety, create depression modes. And I want to talk a little bit about our thoughts, laura. So at church the other day they were talking about how many thoughts we have. Did you know a human, us have around 60,000 thoughts a day. I was like whoa, no wonder I'm so tired by seven o'clock. My brain is really working overtime.

Mary Fain Brandt: 2:06

But did you know that 75% of those thoughts are negative. Wow, 75%. This is a scientific study that was done. Don't ask me how they knew that they got inside of our brains. But 60,000 thoughts a day first, that just exhausts me thinking about it. But that 75% of my thoughts are negative. I just that just brings out that negative side. I had no idea that we had so many negative thoughts. And then you add the holiday season into the mix of how we're already built of having more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, and you've got yourself a potential for an emotional roller coaster. One tip is not overextending yourself. This is one of my bad habits. I don't know if you think this bad habit, laura, I say yes too quickly.

Laura Bashore: 3:02

I do too, and then sometimes I have to shut it down Like I'll say yes and I'll be like no, just kidding. And I need to practice taking a step back and first evaluate what I'm saying yes to, so then I don't feel guilty when I have to say, actually, that's not going to work.

Mary Fain Brandt: 3:17

Right, and I do it either out of FOMO oh my God, that sounds so amazing, yes, I want to do it or out of a sense of wanting to help someone. But I've learned to say oh my gosh, that sounds amazing, what a great opportunity. That sounds really interesting.

Mary Fain Brandt: 3:31

Let me check my calendar so I think we have to learn like, have sayings in our head and that might sound kind of foreign to some of you, but I have a lot of sayings up in my head that when I'm in a certain situation I can just pull that out, plug it into the sentence and then I'm not so overwhelmed or my anxiety isn't creeping up on me because I need to answer right now.

Laura Bashore: 3:55

That's such a great point, mary. I think that's really something for our listeners to think about, because it's true we tell people to practice all the time what they're going to say in an interview or how they're going to respond to something, but if you're not responding to or not practicing how you're going to respond to simple questions that you need to say no to, which is very hard for the majority of us, that can be difficult. I did want to add too. I was speaking with my son this morning and he just randomly said shower thought mom. And I said oh Okay, shower thought, what's the shower thought? And he said why do people? What do you think?

Laura Bashore: 4:38

The first person who ever milked a cow? What do you think they were thinking about? Why do you think they attempted that? And I'm only sharing that because when you mentioned how many thoughts go through our minds, I was thinking yeah, even my six-year-old has crazy Not crazy, but has a lot of thoughts going on at all hours of the day that you just don't know about. So, and it was really cute to excuse that is really cute shower thoughts.

Mary Fain Brandt: 5:07

I'm gonna start using that term, honey. Have you had any shower thoughts today?

Laura Bashore: 5:11

Well, yeah, cuz. Then I told him I said well, I have, I have thoughts in the shower too, but I never thought let's give it a name. So shower thoughts. Kids are so shower thoughts. I love it.

Laura Bashore: 5:22

So, leading into that, you know, in this episode we're gonna cover three crucial aspects of maintaining mental health during these festive times, because if even our six-year-olds are having a ton of Thoughts going and racing through their minds, we all have them. So one is creating a support system when you need it. Loneliness and isolation can be tough during the holidays, as we know. You know things like suicide rates tend to pop up, and so it can be especially difficult when you're job hunting, because most the time when we're in these environments, people are asking what are you doing for work again, or it's just the common easy thing that we go to.

Laura Bashore: 6:04

So we're gonna discuss a couple ways to find support that can help you out through these times and kind of give you something else to discuss Right. Number two is keeping a positive attitude. So we'll share practical tips on how to stay positive when the job market feels like it's giving you the cold shoulder. And Then the third one and I think this is so important is embracing your feelings but not letting them rule you. You know it's okay to feel discouraged to acknowledge that from time to time, but what we want to talk about is acknowledging those feelings without letting them take over your holiday and ruining the spirit of the season for you.

Mary Fain Brandt: 6:46

Oh, this is gonna be so good and, I think, this podcast episode. I'm really Really excited to dive into this topic because I think it's something that many of our listeners are gonna be dealing with and I hope that we can support them with our tips and advice. And speaking of thoughts, laura, we mentioned that 75% of our thoughts tend to be negative and that's the reality that we often face right, but on top of that, have an itch. This is like real podcast.

Laura Bashore: 7:19

Okay. Well then I'm doing it too, All right.

Mary Fain Brandt: 7:21

Okay every time.

Mary Fain Brandt: 7:24

I love that. We just keep it real and authentic, you guys. So, on top of that, 75% of our thoughts are negative. Did you know that 95% of our thoughts are on repeat? How many times a day do you think about the same thing over and over and over again, whether it's um, I need to lose weight, I don't know what to do, I need to not eat, that, I'm gonna be late, I'm not smart enough, I'm never gonna get that job, they're not gonna hire me, I don't like this outfit on me. Negative 95% okay, 75% or negative 95% are on repeat. When I heard that, I was like, oh, I've got to change up that mind and what is going through my head. So just imagine this going on. And then you toss the holiday season into the mix. And, yeah, you know, I was thinking, I was really thinking about this episode before we came on to record and there's some.

Mary Fain Brandt: 8:17

So the other day, some things happen a shoe broke. I got out of the car at church and my entire shoe came off. Here I met church about ready to serve Do I drive back home? Or I had a pair of really beat up flip-flops in the car and I decided it was better and they didn't match my outfit. So, if you know me at all, I had red lipstick, a red shirt, and then I had to put green flip-flops on and I was like getting into the holiday spirit early, that's all. But I decided, okay, merit, that that's not going to Take away your joy from serving. So I put the flip-flops on. Well, so it wasn't going to create the mood of my day or the emotion. And then I got home and I got out of my car and the green flip-flop broke Like within two and a half hours. Two broken shoes, and the week before I broke two pairs of shoes.

Laura Bashore: 9:08

Well, something you just look at it as an opportunity, right, which is so you can get no shoes.

Mary Fain Brandt: 9:14

I know, and I know that that's a minor thing, but sometimes it's those little things that can send you over the edge, right? Whether it's filling coffee, right, your breakfast, or your coffee on your shirt, oh my God, the whole day is ruined. Well, you know what. You have choice every day to label your day bad or good. You might have had something bad happen to you in the morning, but it doesn't have to be a bad day. You have the choice, ok, so I just put that out there. You can label your day. I had a bad morning, something happened to me, but that's not going to dictate how my day is going to go.

Mary Fain Brandt: 9:49

And on a personal note, I've suffered from depression and anxiety from time to time in my life, so I know what it's like to have those overwhelming thoughts on repeat in your head. I've been laid off from my job from several jobs, I think four times in my career and it's really easy to go down that rabbit hole of depression, right. But what I learned is to kind of control that, and I'm a big proponent. You get laid off, you have some trauma or something happening in your life. Give yourself a pity day.

Mary Fain Brandt: 10:25

So I allow myself one pity day. It's jammies, netflix, comfort food right, I don't have to shower, I don't have to do anything. But then after that, like my mom always said, when I didn't feel well, take a shower, you'll feel better. So on day two, I don't get to Netflix and stay in my jammies. Day two is get up, start get some exercise, take a shower and get something done on my list. Give myself grace, but pull myself out of that, because it's super easy to go into depression mode full on, and especially during the holiday season when you're looking for a job and I've been there.

Laura Bashore: 11:02

Yeah, I mean, that's definitely a less than festive way to be spending your holiday season if I've ever heard of a Mary, but I think that's such a good point that you put a stop at it. And I think that's where sometimes people get confused is that you have the power to turn that around. You just have to kind of put limits on it. It's not about denying what you're feeling. It's about being realistic and then thinking how am I moving forward?

Mary Fain Brandt: 11:31

Absolutely, absolutely. Well, we're going to provide you a couple lists, but we're not going to read everything off all at once, but we're going to give you a list of 10 things that career professionals like yourself can do to stay positive and maintain a healthy outlook on your careers, even during this busy, hustle and bustle holiday season. So I'm going to kick us off and then, laura, I'd love for you to chime in Number one and if, laura, if you do any of these, please chime in, because I don't do all of them, but I like to know that they're here for me.

Laura Bashore: 12:07

Before you get started, I just want to say that's another thing to do with lists. You don't need to do everything on the list. These are options.

Mary Fain Brandt: 12:14

Yeah, because everyone's different. Different things work for different people at different times in their life and in their careers. It depends where you're on that, what path you're on. So that's the thing, ok. So 10 tips for staying positive.

Mary Fain Brandt: 12:30

Number one is to practice gratitude. Take a moment and reflect on things, what you're grateful for. This simple practice can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. And something that is embedded in my mind, no matter how bad things were in my life at different times or trauma or challenges I was going through. So I knew someone else in the world had it worse than me, right? And I was homeless for about three days.

Mary Fain Brandt: 13:03

I was sleeping in the back of a moving truck. I had nowhere to go, I didn't know what I was going to do, my stuff was in the moving truck and I literally was sleeping in the back of a moving truck, and that was pretty scary for me and I just kept like, well, someone else, they don't even have a moving truck, they're living under a bridge or they don't have food, right? So, and I did have a job, I was just going through a really, really tough time when I was younger, and so I keep that in the back of my mind. Do you use a practice, do you have a gratitude journal or do you practice that? Laura?

Laura Bashore: 13:40

I don't have a gratitude journal, but what I do instead is I try to do some meditation, to kind of do that. So I do it a lot of times. People do it when they wake up, but I like to do it before I go to bed. It helps me stop my mind from racing and it's been helping me get to sleep, and I've been doing it with my children too, and they've been liking it a lot.

Mary Fain Brandt: 14:03

I love that. Tip number two is to set realistic expectations. Like, if you want to lose 50 pounds, if you set a goal to do that in a month, that's not realistic. So, whatever goals you have, make sure that you're setting realistic expectations for you, not for someone you see on Facebook, not for your friend that has more time or more money or whatever it is to get to that destination faster.

Mary Fain Brandt: 14:30

Don't put excessive pressure on yourself to meet a high holiday expectations. It's not about how many gifts you buy, how expensive they are, where you're traveling. You need to find the join piece within and you need to recognize that it's okay to scale down traditions and celebrations and that's something we've done over the years. Because I'm a huge Christmas girl, my mom like that was her favorite holiday. I mean, one year you can even walk in the living room. There were so many gifts that was like overkill. Now we've really narrowed that down and really scaled it down. I've also learned to give myself grace and that it's okay to tune out from the world once in a while.

Laura Bashore: 15:12

I think that's one of the hardest things to do when you're a driven professional is to give yourself some space to say, okay, maybe this didn't go the way I thought it would, and just to be okay with that. People who are successful are successful because they've had many failures, and it's important to remember that and not look at to your point the expectation that social media gives you that comparison part, and so one of the ways that I really do that is by connecting with loved ones, so making sure that I take my phone and put it in the other room, because instead of just trying to get through the motions of here's all the things I have to get on my holiday list today or all the people I need to talk to, instead spend quality time with friends and family. The social support can boost your mood and provide a sense of belonging, and I think that's so important to remember is to do that. Let's take a pause right here to refresh your coffee and hear from our sponsors.

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Mary Fain Brandt: 17:19

I love that. Yeah, I'm making that more of a practice. No phones at the dinner table or no iPads. If it's my husband, he likes to play the games on his iPad.

Laura Bashore: 17:30

So a really fun holiday story. Real quick on that is I did that last year. No, two years ago in our new home I got a little thing that says no devices at the table and it's a cute little board thing, and I put it by my Thanksgiving Day table. Okay, now my husband might get mad that I'm about to share this, because that was there. We first put it out on Thanksgiving and we were hosting that year for all my cousins and we drink a lot of wine because this was a cousin's Thanksgiving. Only my dad was there.

Mary Fain Brandt: 18:02

There were no adults in the room, so you don't categorize yourself as an adult, laura.

Laura Bashore: 18:08

Huh, not around all my cousins. So this was our first time to just be like, yay, okay, we'll do what we want. And so, long story short, my husband brought his phone to the table and he dropped it in his mashed potatoes. And so so, moral of the story, do not bring your phone to the table, you don't need it. And now he's got that hanging over him and you know, it's now family.

Mary Fain Brandt: 18:36

Yeah, he'll never listen, yeah.

Laura Bashore: 18:39

He'll never listen.

Mary Fain Brandt: 18:41

He won't, yeah, so. So tip number four is to volunteer. Give back. You have time or a talent or a treasure. You might have money stocked up, so give to your local charity. I find that giving back to a community or charitable cause can be really fulfilling, and for those of you that know me know that with all the events I host, I serve a nonprofit. I also do an end of year gift. Now that I'm in Arizona, I have two nonprofit charities that we donate to at the end of the year.

Mary Fain Brandt: 19:16

I serve at church. I love serving at church. I get to greet people and say hi, you know, that's my spiritual gift. It's one of my favorite things to do, and even when I'm tired, when I go and give my time, I always get something out of it. It always fills me up, and there is the old saying that you know when you serve or when you give your time, you think that you're helping that person, which you are. But what most people don't realize or we don't take into consideration, is that you always get something out of it. So volunteering is great. Let's move through some of these.

Mary Fain Brandt: 19:51

Number five is stay active. Physical activity is a natural mood booster. So when you're super tired, go for a walk around the block. It doesn't have to mean go to the gym or an extensive height. As someone who was very athletic and did triathlons and like just extensive crazy mud races camp Pendleton races. When I got injured and couldn't do those I stopped. So I had to change my mindset that I can't do what I used to do, but that doesn't mean that I can't find something new to do. So if you don't have money for a gym membership, you can go for a hike, you can go for a walk, you can do exercises in your house, you can do planks whatever you can do. Yoga my one of my favorite things, laura. I'm still on all my secrets dancing to YouTube videos on Saturday night.

Laura Bashore: 20:47

Okay, that's a new one. Yeah, I would not have known that about you.

Mary Fain Brandt: 20:53

We just did the two step last Saturday through our living room. We're trying to figure out our new dance format in the new living room here. So I you know it's free, I don't have to go anywhere. I can enjoy my old fashioned crank up the YouTube video. Honey and I the husband and I can just do a little two step, a little boogie woogie and have a little fun. And music lifts your spirit up, as does exercise.

Laura Bashore: 21:19

Yeah, I agree. I mean this is not a part of exercise. But you know, I go to concerts all the time with my husband. That's our part of it. So I mean I guess that's exercise. We stand, we're standards, we don't sit.

Mary Fain Brandt: 21:33

No, I don't sit at a concert either.

Laura Bashore: 21:36

No. So another thing is to make sure that. Number six is to make sure we set realistic goals in our job search. You know, set achievable daily or weekly goals and celebrate your small victories. That's one of the parts of setting real goals is to make sure that you acknowledge when you're hitting those, so that you can maintain a sense of progress. And number seven is simply to learn something new. Use this time to acquire new skills or knowledge. You know there's a ton of online courses, webinars, books, audible. For those of us who don't like to sit and read, audible is a great way to do it. All the things that you can do for personal growth.

Mary Fain Brandt: 22:20

There's also LinkedIn audio events. I was just on an audio event today for leadership and those are free. They're on LinkedIn. You can do it on your phone, just you know, when you have a little extra time, join some live shows, linkedin audio events and just network. Meet other people and learn something.

Laura Bashore: 22:40

And shout out to LinkedIn audio, because that's how we got started.

Mary Fain Brandt: 22:44

So yeah, Number eight, Laura is to limit social media.

Laura Bashore: 22:52

Ok, so we kind of touched on this, but really avoid comparing your situation to others. You know, those are just the highlights of what's going on in their life. You don't hear about all the, for example, that perfect family photo. You don't hear about all the yelling and screaming that it took and the parents being like smile, don't hurt your brother. You don't see all of that. So just remember that because, especially during these times, it could be really hard on your mental health because you think why don't I have that? The reality is it's a photo, a still frame in time or a short little video. It's not the story. Don't let that trigger negative feelings in you.

Mary Fain Brandt: 23:37

Yeah, it's just the highlight reel. So, yeah, don't go down the rabbit hole of Instagram, tiktok and Facebook and compare yourself or have FOMO. So, number nine I think this is really important, and when I do this, my day goes smoother. So creating a daily routine structure can provide a sense of purpose because, let's be real, when you have lost your job, for many of you you have lost your sense of purpose, and so having a structure to your day can help create purpose and stability. So set a daily schedule that includes self-care and job search activities, because you've got to take care of yourself. If you're not taking care of yourself, you're not going to come across as the great person you are in the interview, like if you're sleep deprived, if you're not exercising, if you're eating junk food, not drinking enough water, not limiting yourself on social media. So, remember, take care of yourself and create a daily routine.

Laura Bashore: 24:40

Yeah, that's a really important one, Mary. I'm glad that you're sharing that, because people think, well, I'll just sit in front of this computer for six hours and get it done. No, self-care is just as important in that structure. You have to put it in there, because if it's not in there, it won't happen.

Laura Bashore: 24:57

Yeah, number 10, laura and then I think this is something that people are getting more comfortable with, but we need to make sure that we focus on it is to seek professional help. If you're struggling with mental health, don't hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional Therapy or counseling can provide valuable support and, to be honest, most of the successful people you know have some kind of support that they use.

Mary Fain Brandt: 25:28

Yeah, I've had therapy. I love therapy. For me it was talking to someone about what was going on in my life, my struggles, what were my options, and it was from someone that wasn't a family or friend member, that was going to take a side or say oh, it's OK, mary, of course you should sit there and eat bonbons and not do anything, right? But my therapist also said because I had a problem with, I thought it was bad for me to sit and watch. Ok, are you ready for another dirty secret? Here I'm dropping all of them.

Mary Fain Brandt: 26:03

I love it. I loved keeping up with the Kardashians. I loved it and I would watch it. And I told her how guilty I felt. And my therapist is like Mary. I'll tell you something. I watch the model show Next Top Model with my daughter and we just check out. I'm like that's what I do, I don't have to think. It's not a show I have to pay attention to. She's like it's OK. So would my friends say they might have. My dad would probably say why are you watching that crap? My friends would be one way or the other.

Mary Fain Brandt: 26:35

So having a therapist, someone that and I know that's very light. There are other things going on, with my mom becoming sick and an ex and all these other things and my job. I felt like everything was going wrong at the same time and it was a mountain of anxiety and stress and depression and feeling like I couldn't pull myself out of this mountain that was crumbling on me. But seeing my therapist, we made little breakthroughs. We made adjustments to my schedule. I changed my mind, how I was thinking about things and she also for me, my therapist. One thing that I'll take away is that she said trust your weather vane, which meant my gut.

Mary Fain Brandt: 27:21

Because I'd be looking at my gut, says, and then we'd talk more about that and I'd learn to trust my gut, my weather vane, as she would call it.

Laura Bashore: 27:29

Yeah, and that's hard, especially when you find yourself in a position like that. You do start to even have self-doubt and not trust the instincts that you're feeling, and you get to a place where you just feel stuck right, when you cannot move forward. So it's important to seek out help and advice, because that's what's going to make you stronger on the other side of it.

Mary Fain Brandt: 27:53

Yeah, so don't be ashamed of it, seek it out. There's a lot of resources. I think that we're going to share some with you. And just a side note, all of this will be in the show notes for you. If you're listening, you're like wait, I don't have my pen and paper, I can't write all this stuff down. You can watch the video and you can read the show notes, and we will have links and everything for you.

Laura Bashore: 28:18

So I'll tell you what, talking about different resources that we can use. Oprah is the gift that keeps on giving, so I'm sure you've heard of Oprah's favorite things, right? Yes?

Mary Fain Brandt: 28:30

Yes, love her list of favorite things.

Laura Bashore: 28:33

We all do it and sometimes they're pricey, but that's a different conversation. So I was doing some research and she's also put out a list of 13 mental health resources to fit your specific needs. So I'm going to just mention a couple of them right now, but, as you said, mary, this will also be in our show notes, because it's so vital to know where you can turn when you're having some struggles and how you can find the resources. So one of them on this list is for those struggling with anxiety. So she's recommending anxietysocialnetcom and that's just a way to help you get connected, and there's also the Anxiety and Depression Association of America's website. So those are great resources. There's also if you're struggling with depression or bipolar, so it's dbsallianceorg.

Laura Bashore: 29:32

Postpartum depression, which is something that I suffered with and I think is very important because a lot of moms, especially second time moms it's more common and second time moms than first time, but that means it's also more common for us not to admit it. So check out the resources at postpartumprogresscom. It is something that can help change your life and what's going on with it. Just a couple more that I'll mention. There is something in here for adult children. So they're the adult children of an alcoholic, so we've got some resources there.

Laura Bashore: 30:12

Grieving someone who's died by suicide, that's extremely important, especially around the holidays. We will have that listed in the show notes for you too. And then, if you have things going on around eating disorders, there are resources there, so eatingdisorderhopecom. And there's also a resource on here for veterans or for those who have PTSD, so vetsintervagov. And I know that was a lot of things that I just listed and there's even more that I didn't get to, but those will be in the show notes. Please take advantage of those resources if any of them are speaking to you, because there's help out there and people you can connect with.

Mary Fain Brandt: 31:03

So you guys remember, it's natural to experience a mix of emotions during the holidays, especially when you're facing job related challenges, because job related challenges not during the holidays is stressful enough. Right, I've been there. But be kind to yourself and use some of these strategies that we mentioned to help maintain a positive outlook and prioritize your mental well being.

Laura Bashore: 31:28

Okay, so there you have it, guys an episode that's going to help you slay yes, pun intended those negative thoughts and make the most of your holiday season, no matter where you are in your career journey.

Mary Fain Brandt: 31:43

Happy holidays from Laura and I. We wish you all the success that you deserve and desire. This will be the last episode for season one ending in 2023.

Laura Bashore: 31:56

So keep your coffee or tea. If you like tea, keep it warm and know that we'll be back in 2024. Cheers.

Mary Fain Brandt: 32:04

If you enjoyed the podcast, show us some love. Please rate, review and subscribe to our podcast, and if you have any feedback, go ahead and share that with us too, because we want to hear from you.

Laura Bashore: 32:15

And don't forget to visit our website. You need to find your career journey that can help you take the next step in your career.

Mary Fain Brandt: 32:21

We'll see you next week with another episode to help you redefine your career journey. Until then, stay focused, stay motivated and stay caffeinated.